KEN RING PREDICTS BLACK CAPS WORLD CUP RESULTS
New Zealand Cricket has employed the services of prediction guru Ken Ring to predict the Black Caps next cricket match against Zimbabwe. New Zealand CEO Justin Vaughan hired the services of the weather guru in an attempt to see how his troops will fair at the up coming World Cup.
Using a complicated formula of measuring the position of Saturn and Mars in relation to the Moon, Ring has been able to predict every Black Caps batting collapse and poor bowling performance dating back to World War II.
Ozy Mandias has managed to obtain a couple of paragraphs of his report to New Zealand Cricket through the official information act.
“We think the Black Caps batting collapses have a timeline. It started 7 years ago, has begun to slow down and should cease altogether after April 2014. By March of this year, where we are now, the batting collapse frequency should be moving back to its normal pattern of about 1 per calendar year.
The current pattern of unusually high number batting collapses that occurred this summer was due to the alignment of the Moon, Saturn and Mars. This event happened on the 30th Dec when we were rolled for 80 against Pakistan in the 20/20. The following month, on 9th Jan, new moon in perigee developed just before 3am. This resulted in the collapse of the test series with New Zealand rolled and diced for 110.”
Pleasingly the next phase for the alignment of the Moon, Mars and Saturn shows that the tide may have turned for the Black Caps. According to Ring the chances of a batting collapse from now on in the Cricket World Cup are low although he can’t rule out something strange happening on the 18th when the Black Caps play Sri Lanka. This is exciting news for the black Caps as they build towards the business end of the tournament.
So in conclusion Ring is predicting Black caps victories against Zimbabwe, Pakistan, Canada and a close one against Sri Lanka. From then on even the mighty Ken Ring and his weather chart are even flying in the dark.
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