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Ricky Ponting has been given a strong message on behalf on all humanity from Indian opening bowler Shantha Sreesanth. After beating Ponting with a magnificent short ball outside off stump, Sreesanth went up for a massive appeal which was turned down, then theatrically stood face to face with Ponting at the batting crease.

Words were exchanged, the crowd made a lot of appreciative noises, and Sreesanth walked away making an “L” sign with his thumb and forefinger, as if to signify he thought Ponting was a “Loser”.

“There’s very few games go by that Sreesanth doesn’t have something to say to a few of us. That’s just the way it goes,” Ponting said.

Sreesanth is keen on a Bollywood acting career.

“I was national break dance champion when I was in the eighth grade,” he says.

“I don’t really get time to dance now. I gave up dance for cricket.

“I am a huge Michael Jackson fan and keep listening to his songs on my iPod.

“I have been offered Bollywood roles. But I’ll never leave cricket, until and unless cricket leaves me.”
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The Barmy Army celebrate another Aussie wicket falling

The Barmy Army has revealed that it is in danger of running out of songs to sing at the upcoming 5th and final Test Match between England and Australia. Sources close to the group understand that due to the large amount of singing done in the victorious 4th game the group is in danger of having nothing to sing in future games.

Speaking to one Barmy Army member after the last Test he had this to say.

“Over the last 20 years when we tour Australia we only get about 2 or 3 days worth of good play from our team that we can warrant singing. We can therefore easily deliver our full repertoire. However, because this England team has been so rampant we have had to sing for all but 2 or 3 days. It has taken the toll on the Army and we have had to re sing a few of our more popular numbers.”

With such dominance,  the Army has had to ditch its ‘no repeat’ policy on many of its favourite songs which is the first time this has been done in the last 30 years of the Barmy Army supporting the English.

At this stage the Barmy Army is madly writing new songs in a bid to be ready for the final match of the tour. While the main writers are rather tight lipped on some of the new songs it is believed that the new ‘Strauss Anthem’, based on Queens Bohemian Rhapsody will be a massive hit. It is also believed that for the first time the Barmy Army will focus more on the opposition with songs such as Hey Hey Ricky’ and a drum and bass number entitle ‘Liz puts Warnie into a Hurley.”


Ricky telling another umpire the local rule about all apeals going in favour of the team in yellow.

Ricky Ponting has defended his behaviour in 4th Ashes Test after verbally arguing with the umpire following a decision that went against his team. The incident involved Kevin Pieterson who was given not out after the Australian team believed he had edged the ball behind. However, numerous video replays showed that there was no touch and the decision stood. Ponting was outraged and the verbal barage of both umpires landed the captian in front of the Match Referee. Ozy Mandias Warning  has managed to obtain a transcript of Ponting’s own defence.

“G’day Mate,

Before I go and have some of the amber fluid and a few shrimps on the barbie, I have to say that Pieterson hit the cover off the ball and didn’t walk. Siddle bowled a beauty and he just stood there like a dead lamp post. Crickey dick, that is just not cricket. Every player in my teams walks and I expect the same from the English.

However, my real problem was the fact that this umpire failed to understand the rules when we play in this vast wasteland. This game is being played in Australia and I am Ricky Ponting. So when I appeal I expect the wicket to be given. That is the way things have worked around here for the last 20 years. When the umpire failed to give their guy out I just reminded him of that point. I also mentioned that I knew where he lived and that I would kill his children if he didn’t give the next decision our way. I was just joking with that last bit though….I dont know where he lives.

Finally, I would like to apologise to the many children who may have been watching the TV earlier. What I did was stupid and for a player of my experience and ability I should have known better. In the future I will refrain from such behaviour and ensure that my attitude reflects someone in my position and with my ability. But that is enough about my batting…..Any other questions on how to verbally abuse an umpire?”

To here the audio from Test Match Sofa click below


The new and improve MCG picth

Australia are denying rigging the MCG pitch in their favour a week out from the Boxing Day Test. Just 10 days ago the England team played Victoria which was described yesterday as ”sluggish in the extreme” and ”low, slow and turgid”. Perfect for the English spinners. But when the English team turned up today they found the MCG pitch looking like a farmers back lawn and a message from Picky Ronting.

“Good luck boys. Lets see how you guys go on another green top. Just getting you back for The Oval game last time around.”

Ronting was referring to the last Ashes Test at the Oval when England regained the Ashes. In that game the groundsman was so embarrassed with the dry and dodgy strip he presented that he gave a false name to avoid having to explain why his pitch was Sahara-like in a country noted for its rainfall. Australia lost that game.


Another wicket for Aussie - Slap me on the bum boys!

Australia has broken the world record for the most bum taps in a cricket game in the recent 3rd Ashes test. A mammoth 72 individual bum touches were recorded within a five over period as Australia wrapped up play with a day and a half to spare.

Australia’s customary ‘Bum Taps’ had become a thing of the past in the first 2 games as England found their form earlier. But with Aussie coming back into the contest, there were bottom taps coming from all areas. Players were running from all corners of the ground to ‘tap’ bowlers after overs. As the wickets started to tumble the frequency increased tenfold. Slap of the day came from Steve Smith who showed no signs of nerves for such a young man as he run from deep backward square to tap Siddle on the backside after one nondescript dot ball.

Ricky has been working hard on his bum tapping, aka the ‘RPBT’, and is believed to be the first player to bring it into cricket. His specific tap consists of between 1 and 3 taps or smacking actions to the posterior of one’s best mate. Ponting, who has sustained a broken little finger from being over exuberant when tapping Johnson on the bum, was obviously excited about the new world record when he spoke with Ozy Mandias.

“This is fantastic for the boys. It is a part of the game we have worked on really hard over this week and it was pleasing to see it come off today. Hopefully, moving forward we can carry this form in to the Boxing Day test.”

When questioned about any changes for the next game Ponting hinted that Ben Hilfenhaus and Ryan Harris could be in danger of missing out on the next game.

“Ben doesn’t like guys slapping his bum and this is the reason he only took one wicket in the last game. It is a confidence thing with Ben, but we cant have guys in our team unwilling to have guys pinch their bums. Ryan Harris is also in danger of missing out. Having secured 6 wickets in the final innings his bum is red raw from being poked, taped, pinched and groped. It looks at this stage he will miss the next Ashes Test., but we do have our medical staff working around the clock.”


Ricky Ponting - Arrogant Aussie

Ricky Ponting has taken on the mantle of Glen McGrath and predicted a 6-0 Australia win in the up coming Ashes series.
Ponting said, “A 6-0 whitewash is absolutely possible. There’s no reason why not. It’s all in our hands. It’s how well we play and how well we take charge of different situations.”
The Australia captain was in charge during the 2006-07 series, when Andrew Flintoff’s men fell to the first Ashes whitewash for 76 years.
However, Ponting suddenly became agitated when it was pointed out that there are only 5 games in the series. After composing himself he went into a verbal tirade at the unsuspecting reporters.
“Who cares if there are only 5 games. We are Australians, the most cocky, arrogant country behind the United States of America. We will tell you by how much we will beat the opposition by and you will listen and respect our view.” The rest of the press conference was directed at Ponting’s new KFC advert.