Blog Archives

McCAW COMES CLEAN ON 'PINKIE' INJURY


The All Black media liaison officers have been working over time this week and have opened the 2011 year with the following media release.

All Black captain Richie McCaw has a foot injury and will miss up to six weeks of the Super 15 rugby season. McCaw has sustained a stress fracture in his right foot. He developed pain in his foot by doing a yo-yo running test at Rugby Park in Christchurch on Monday last week.

The above media release is journo speak that is used to cover the truth. Thankfully the team here at Ozy Mandias Warning are trained in decoding these words. In reality all that has happened is that Ritchie McCaw injured his ‘pinkie’ toe through excessive pumping of his right foot while flying his glider. He will miss a couple of weeks of the Super 15.

Fortunately he was in a good mood today and gladly posed for a photo today at the Cake Tin.

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ALL BLACKS USE 'GET OUT OF JAIL' CARD


Richie McCaw has defended his use of his team’s ‘Get out of Jail’ card to claim victory against South Africa in Soweto over the weekend. The card was used with perfect timing as the ALL BLACKS trailed by 8 points with 15 minutes to go. Looking down and out, captain fantastic issued the card to referee Owen and from there the game was ALL BLACK.

The South African Captain John Smit had only one answer to the McCaw move. Having just passed “Go’ and with a fresh $200 in his bank account Smit banked on rolling double 6’s and landing on the elusive ‘Drop Goal Drive’ in the final 40 seconds. Drop Goal Drive is an elusive property in the game of Rugby Monopoly. South Africans prize this property; the All Blacks shun it, while in the 1980’s the English team built their entire game plan on mortgaging this rather dowdy piece of land. But yesterday the dice failed to fall for the Springboks and instead of the double 6’s, pressure from McCaw, Kaino and Smith forced them to roll the dreaded ‘miss a turn’.

The ALL BLACK machine capitalised on this error with Ma’a Nonu spotting an area of the board South Africa had failed to build any hotels on. Like a human cannonball he was off. Catapulting into the free space and then with a flick off his wrists he rolled his dice and set Dagg off to claim Mayfair, Parkland, the Tri Nations with a perfectly 7 pointer in the corner. YOU LITTLE BEAUTY!!

Many TV pundits have questioned if McCaw should have used his card now or have saved it for next year’s World Cup. But McCaw quickly reminded those present at the after match press conference that New Zealand will be granted two of these cards next year as they are the home team at the World Cup. Like France in 2007 we hope they put them to good use.

In other news from the game, rumours that Dan Carter picked up the ‘Second Prize in a Beauty Contest’ card have been dismissed by both the referee and the ladies magazine, Teen 16. Rachel Retsoc, the Teen 16 Editor, was quick to squash rumours that Israel Dagg is the new pin up boy of the ALL BLACK Team. Talking after the game, Retsoc, as forthright as she is beautiful, was still crazy about Undie Man Dan. “Dan didn’t have his best game but when it mattered he showed he is still the rose in the ALL BLACK bouquet. Dan is still number one with our readers and if a beauty contest of the ALL BLACKS was held tomorrow, Dan is still the man” she blushed.

GONE IN 60 SECONDS


If you see one game of rugby this year you need to see ‘GONE IN 60 SECONDS’. A brutal, physical, fast game between arch rivals South Africa and the All Blacks

South Africa thought they had it won. But they forgot about McCaw, they forgot about Dagg and they forgot the damage the All blcaks can do in 60 seconds.

John Key not going to meet with Dalai Lama


John Key

In a surprising move John Key has announced he will not be meeting the Dalai Lama when he visits New Zealand. This is a surprising move from the PM who has spent the large majority of his time attempting to get infront of the camera.

The Dalai Lama is obviously extremely upset at this news and has given up using his blackberry for a week as a sign of his disgust. He has also urged the large number of Tibetian tourist who flock here in the summer months to hit the beaches to boycott the country.
On the other side of the coin Ritchie McCaw is sick of seeing the Prime Minister in cheesy photo shoots and has expressed an interest in becoming a Buddist Monk if it will get the PM off his back.