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What we learnt from the Super 15 final

Some things we learnt from the Super 15 final awith a few questions thrown in.

  1. The bigger the game the more Quade Cooper goes missing.
  2. Australia will be in prayer to have the free flowing Bryce Lawrence or Jonathan Kaplin refereeing their games at the World Cup.
  3. Will Genia is the best halfback in the world. Would he have made that break if Ellis was still on?
  4. You can fudge the scrum but a rugby team can’t do without a functioning lineout. Perhaps the AB’s should get rid of their scrum coach and employ a lineout coach.
  5. Sometimes it is better it kick the ball out and have a defensive scrum on your 30m line than putting up a random midfield bomb….just ask Andy Ellis.
  6. Matt Todd is the opposite of Rueben Thorne. Loved by the public yet rubbish on the field. Until he develops the ability to carry the ball, make yardage and not turn the ball over he shouldn’t make the All Blacks. He wouldn’t get a look in for the All Blacks if he played for the Chiefs. That scavenging, ball winning loose forward is a thing of the past.
  7. When will we have referee who starts to penalise a weak scrum with a yellow card? Players can collapse scrums all day long in their defensive 22 but delay a ruck in the same part of the field and you get a yellow card. But I suppose if you do that Australia would have trouble all day long.
  8. Dan Carter is getting back to his very best.
  9. Do the All Blacks have enough firepower to open up a defensive come October?…Australia does.
  10. Do Australia have a number 10 who can control the game?…… New Zealand does.


Even though police have uncovered disturbing new evidence in the case of missing Chiefs forward pack, their coach Ian Foster says he believes they are still alive somewhere. The Chiefs were last seen at a pre game function before round 6 of the Super 15, but since then have gone missing.

Foster said that for the rest of the team it feels as if time has stood still since their forward pack disappeared.

“It’s not a regular day for me anymore,” said outside back Richard Kahui. “The weeks that go by, they just don’t feel like weeks, they feel like years and ages.”

Team members filed a missing person report following their loss to the Blues in week 6 when they realised they had no forward pack.

At this stage the police have been unable to find any leads into the case. Sightings of the team have been made at Mount Maunganui KFC over the past weekend, but these reports have yet to be verified.

Anyone with information about the whereabouts of the Chiefs forward pack are asked to call the Hamilton Police Station asap.
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The New Zealand McDonald’s franchise has announced a new burger which they are unveiling later this month. Known as the Hurricane Burger it is described as the perfect hamburger. But at this stage critics have not been impressed with the overall combination.

Each ingredient within the burger has been individually selected and is viewed as some of the finest in the world. In particular the fillers are believed to be some of the best that money can buy. Jane lettuce, specially soucred Nonu tomatoes and Smith cheese are individually superb.

Despite this, when the Hurricane Burger has been tasted by critics the results have been appalling. So far they have only had 1 good report from 7 attempts. Somehow the ingredients don’t seem to flow and mix together as they should. A new chef by the name of Hammett was bought in this year to see if he could turn the burger around but so far his style seems a little refined for a fast food outlet.
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Tana Umaga arrives for the first day of training at the Chiefs Headquarters.

Tana Umaga will become the oldest living rugby player in the history of the modern game when he takes the field for the Chiefs in this weekends first round of the Super 15. When he wobbles his zimmer frame down the tunnel, it will mark a huge turn around for the former All Black captain, who left New Zealand in the lurch prior to the last World Cup.

Chief’s coach Ian Foster who has spent the last few years coaching the Chiefs to mid table mediocrity was excited about the fact that Umaga will be in his team this year. “When I rang Nowra Park Retirement Village and put the idea of Tana playing in the 2011 competition, the management were excited. From there we just completed the paper work and within a couple of weeks he was back training. We applied to the NZRFU if we could use if he could use a motorised scooter but their decline was the only set back in the entire process.”

Umaga will be forced to play with a zimmer frame in his first game back, although it is expected that by the end of the season he will only need a walking stick, such has been the progress made by Umaga on the training field.

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Today the new Super 15 jerseys were unveiled for the New Zealand teams and the public is in for a real show this year. Unlike the last 10 years where the jerseys all looked the same except for a dash of colour here and there, this year the designers have gone far and wide to really capture each franchise. While the jersey’s wont go on sale to the general public until next week, Ozy Mandias Warning was at the photo shoot today and managed to get some shots of the gear. For a less detailed insight into this year’s jersey visit – Iamjonnyking

Auckland Blues Super 15 Jersey


First up we have the Blues 2011 Super 15 outfit. Modeled by Ali Williams, the $300,000 a year rugby player who hasn’t had a full game in 2 years, this outfit just screams Auckland. Made with extra stretch Lycra, it is all about the bling. Tassels on the side will make for a spectacle when running at speed while the gloves are perfect for all those Auckland poofs when the weather gets a little cold.

Williams was excited about the new outfit, although was a little concerned that tighter look might not be a hit with some of the more modest ‘island’ boys in the team. Williams seems to enjoy this aspect of the outfit though.

Chiefs Super 15 Jersey


Next up we have the Chiefs Jersey. To say that this was a major muck up is an understatement. At this stage the NZRFU are unsure who to blame but Chiefs coach Ian Foster is sure that he sent an email saying ‘chiefs’, while Addidas are sure it read ‘chef’. Whoever has the real story is now lost in history, but for 2011 the Chiefs will be chefs and wearing and all white number complete with hat and plate of food.

All Black Mills Miliaina was on hand to model this year’s outfit and he was excited about the new look.”Obviously it is a little different to what we have had in the past but it fits well and the best thing is we get our post match meal delivered before the game.”

Hurricanes Super 15 Jersey


Probably the shirt with the most hidden meaning came in the form of the Hurricanes  team. Their shirt was designed by a renowned designer whose inspiration came from New Zealand Post’s failure to deliver an important parcel.  So for the team that has failed to deliver in almost every Super Competition what better then to dress them up as a New Zealand Postie, complete with wet weather gear and a bike. Obviously the wet weather gear is needed as the climate in Wellington rivals Antarctica, but the bike is something that could be a bit problematic, especially at scrum time.

Peri Weepu was on hand today to model this outfit and and was excited about the new look, particularly the high viability vest that comes as a training outfit. “What a great look, the trouble is with the bike I get no company car this year so I will be biking to and from games.”

Crusaders Super 15 Jersey


Despite trying to lose their affiliation with sheep this year the crusaders have gone a number that glorifies the humble sheep. Their woolly outfit this year will be an assist on the cold Canterbury evenings and with the added bonus of hand warmers and a helmet this will be one warm little number. The wool is taken from a pure Canterbury ram and has been hand stitched using the finest cotton from China

Superstars Dan Carter and Sonny Bill Williams were the selected players to try on the gear and to say they were unimpressed was an understatement. Sonny Bill was extremely distraught, “How can I show off my guns and tattoos in this outfit. In my contract it says that 90% of my time in front of the camera must be done with my shirt off.”

Highlanders Super 15 Jersey


Finally we have the Highlanders shirt. Over the last 5 years this team has been nothing short of rubbish. No amount of recycling and waste management systems have been able to turn around this outfit. In a fitting mix between on field activities and off field incompetency this year the Highlanders will be dressed as a rubbish bin. Made of the finest recycled plastic this bin comes with a nice little helmet and even a clean sack stitched into the garment for added comfort. Jimmy Cowen took time off from his annual December  drink court case appointment to model this years new Highlanders outfit. He had no comment on the outfit but his face said enough.