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BREAK UP KING – TIGER SNUBS WILLIAMS


Tiger Woods has ditched long time caddy Steve Williams making it his second major break up in the last 2 years.

Tiger announced the move on his website earlier today and the Kiwi caddy is far from happy, although apparently he felt things had been moving that way for a long time.

Speaking exclusively to Ozy Mandias Warning Steve Williams had this to say;

“I knew from a couple of months ago that things weren’t right between us. In fact ever since he broke up with his wife things have been difficult between us.

I would just say an innocent comment like – ‘Tiger, put your wedge away mate, it is causing you too much trouble’ and he would assume I was talking about something else. The final straw a was  a couple of tournaments ago when I suggested on a tight fairway-ed 15th hole in Texas that he should ‘keep control of his balls’ that everything hit the fan.

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WOODS DROPS NIKE FOR NEW LOGO


Tiger Woods has dropped long time sponsors Nike and decided to invent his own label company it has been announced today. The move is seen as a surprise, especially after the last couple of years when Nike stood by the golfing superstar.

Apparently Woods had the idea for the new label while competing in the Omega Dubai Desert Classic over the weekend. Speaking after his final round, he said that the inspiration came on the 12th green when he was lining up a putt and he felt a lump in his throat. From then on it just came naturally.

At this stage it is unsure how the new logo will be taken, especially by the Arab countries. Many of these countries have strong views on some aspects of the logo and this may hurt Wood’s financial position as the year developed. Despite this early sales in Australia and the Wild West have been excellent, but both of these countries have a strong spitting culture.

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TIGER WOODS HATES GOLF


Tiger Woods - Now a hacker like you and me.

Tiger Woods has come to hate golf and wonders why anyone would play the silly game if you were a useless Sunday hacker.

Tiger Woods stinging criticism of golf came following his recent display at the USPGA at Whistling Straits.

‘What a complete waste of time golf is! In all my years playing the game I had never realised how frustrating this stupid game must be for the average player,” he announced after his disappointing final round 73 left him in 28th place.

Tiger Woods had never hit a double bogey in his life until this event but now has 3 chalked up beside his name thanks to the punishing course.

Randy Klipo III, the US PGA media spokesman, was rather forthright in his assessment of Woods.

“He is on the verge of being a hacker like the rest of us following hit dip in form. We think it is fantastic as he now knows what golf is like for the majority of the world.”

Woods is a shadow of his former self and looked like a Sunday golfer as he hacked his way round the bunker dotted course with hooks, slices, duffs and mulligans that would have made a 36 handicapper frustrated. Interestingly while most of us hack our way around the course with a smile, Woods has been seen with a smile for the last 6 months.

To make things easy on playboy Woods, the US PGA is considering giving Woods a handicap of +1 before the Ryder Cup in order to give him a chance of contributing to the USA team. This would be the first time in his life he has had to have a handicap. As yet the European team has not commented on this idea but sources close to the team say that they are even considering giving Woods a +3 handicap to give the poor bloke a chance.

Caddy Steve Williams has also announced that he will carry beer and chips, like most hackers, for Woods if he continues to play in such a manner.