Blog Archives

DAN CARTER CAUGHT SPOONING GOAL POST AS ALL BLACKS FALL ASLEEP IN 2ND HALF


The All Blacks have managed to win their opening game of the Rugby World Cup despite falling asleep in the second half and gifting the Tongans 219 penalties and 1 try.

The All blacks came out firing in the first half, with all players explosive, vibrant and punishing on attack. But come the second half the entire All Black team fell asleep in their own 22 and only woke up when Irish ref Clancey blew his whistle for full time. Apparently the new turf at Eden Park is fantastic to lye on and the perfect surface to get have a little kip on. At one point All Black backline maestro Dan Carter was seen spooning the goal post in an attempt to get a little shut eye and Sonny Bill Williams was even seen taking off his All Black jersey to put on his PJ’s

Graham Henry blamed the late kick off for his player’s catch a few zzzz’s in the second half.

“These late games are not easy for the players. By 9:30 we have usually finished the game and most of them are in their PJ’s drinking hot milo at home. At 10pm rugby is the last thing on their minds. It is something we will have to deal with as we move forward.”

Other coaches Steve Hansen and Wayne Smith had no comment as they also feel asleep in the coaches box. Read the rest of this entry

CONCERN GROWS FOR MISSING QUADE COOPER


New Zealand Search and Rescue have announced they are still concerned for the whereabouts of Quade Cooper. The Australian fly half disappeared at Eden Park last night at around 7:35pm and has not been seen since. Cooper was last seen steering down the All Black haka but after that he seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth.

Cooper was spotted by some at various stages throughout the evening but at this stage these sightings have yet to be proven. The strongest lead so far was when Cooper was seen back peddling like a frighten wombat and then throwing a wild pass in his own in goal area. Details of this sighting are sketchy and have not been confirmed by New Zealand Search and Rescue.

New Zealand search and rescue co-ordinator, Iva Lostman, was optimistic following his team’s brief search of the ground following the full time whistle.

“We hope that Cooper will be found, however we cant rule out the fact that last night might be his last time he is seen at Eden Park. He is unfamiliar with this kind of environment and for us that was the most frustrating part. Going into a test environment like this without core survival skills such as the ability to kick and tackle is just asking for trouble. We see this time and again from the Australian Rugby Union. They need to realise putting people in these situations, against a rampant All Black team, without the necessary skills is just dangerous.”

All Black coach Graham Henry was also concerned with the missing Quade Cooper, even offering to abseil down the grandstand at Eden Park to see if the Australian was hiding in the guttering. Sources close to the All Black believe that Henry sees Australian Cooper and South African coach Pieter de Villiers as vital cogs in his team holding the Webb Ellis Trophy aloft in October. Looking at their records who would bet against Quade , I can’t tackle or kick Cooper and Peter, lets stick with the old fellas, de Villiers train wrecking their teams in the semi-finals of the Rugby World Cup.
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AUSTRALIA WILL BE OFF THE PACE AT RWC 2011


After the Australian team were beaten for the first time earlier today by Samoa 32-22 I attempted to get on the Australian Rugby Union website to check out Dingo Deans woeful coaching record. Sadly I was greeted by this web page, which I think summed up the situation for Australian rugby.

Personally I hope this result gives the media a wakeup call as to the strength of this Australian outfit. Any momentum gained by the Reds in the Super 15 has just been destoryed and I hope people start asking strong questions about the depth of the Aussie team, their forward pack and their supposed stars. They are pretenders who have yet to actually put together a decent game, except for France last year.

People in New Zealand are talking about Aussie as the team to beat. However, I can’t actually see them getting into the final. To do that with the current RWC draw they will have to beat Ireland, Wales and either England or France to get to the final. Personally I think they will have a few injuries and fall over against England.

The greatest challenge to the All Blacks at the Rugby World Cup will come from South Africa and England. Two teams who can play knockout tournaments with a style that is very hard to beat.

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ALL BLACK UNVEIL NEW SHIRT


The All Blacks will unveil their 2011 shirt later this year in their first Tri Nations test of the season. However, senior All Blacks have spent the day trying on a number of prototypes outfits that Adidas are considering adopting in their latest creation.

The news on the Ozymandias Warning rumour vine is that this is going to be one of the most revolutionary rugby jerseys ever created as the All Blacks look to win the Webb Ellis Trophy for the first time since 1987.

All of the pointers at this stage look to the All Blacks going to a one piece outfit which apparently give athletes 15% extra power, 30% more sweat coverage and most importantly 56% more female bicep appeal. Both Ritchie McCaw and Sonny Bill Williams tried on the outfits earlier today and were excited by both the look and feel. Sonny Bill even commented

“It felt fantastic. Not since my Bulldogs days have I been in one of these babies and Adidas have done a fantastic job. I cant wait to jump around with room mate Nonu on our next overseas trip.”

In a bold move Adidas have gone against hundreds of years of tradition and ditched the Silver Fern and instead have gone with a silver spider design. This is apparently a twofold measure. Firstly, due to the cost, Adidas can apparently source this material at an incredible cheap price and with the Rugby World Cup finances already in disarray the NZRFU are looking for cost cutting measure everywhere. Secondly, and most importantly, Australians are afraid of spiders and considering they will be our greatest foe in the RWC. With these outfits we will have Quade Cooper and Rocky Elsom running for their pest control during the first half of the World Cup final.

WORST WORLD CUP SONG


Last week it was the worst haka. This week we ahve the worst wiorld Cup song. I wonder if the All Blacks will do a song this year??


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Who is the world's greatest footballer?


Welcome back to another Con Vie installment. For those unfamiliar with my posts each week I leave a question as a starter for conversation between readers. This weeks question;

Who is the world’s greatest footballer?

Ricki Herbert talks to Winston about his goal


Ricki Herbert

Winston Reid for Parliament


Winston Reid - National Party List Member 2011

My vote, if he is willing to stand at the next general election, will be for Winston Reid. Yes, you read correctly. Without even seeing his portfolio, hearing his view on the economy or understanding his ideals I feel he is the man I want running our country. John Key is an astute leader and I wouldn’t be surprised if within days of the conclusion of the World Cup we see Winston Reid wearing a blue tie and being paraded around the country as the latest list MP.

The reason for my suddenly liking for Winston is varied but nonetheless creditable.

Firstly, I like the way he made me feel this morning. For some reason, due to his actions, I felt better walking to work. The birds were chirping, there was a soft frost under my feet and the sun was shining. All this was due to Winston Reid. In marked contrast most politicians have not made me feel this way over the last few months. They willingly spend my tax money on things I consider pathetic and then they seem to believe they are above any consequence for those actions. They have argued over things, which I think are trivial and failed to debate on issues I think are important. Winston on the other hand has made my life better through his selfless actions and willingness to glide unmarked into the back post and poke a white ball beyond a desperate goalie. He has not argued pointlessly with the opposition, but instead got on with what he does best.

Another thing I like about Winston is his timing. In fact I would give him the portofolio position of Minister in charge of Last Minute Decisions ( Minister of LMD). I can think of no other person more qualified or gifted in this area. I have a life mantra which goes like this – Why do something now when you can delay and do it later. Winston seems to live his life like this and that is something I admire. He doesn’t waste time on fluffing about, planning or worrying about this or that. But, and this is the kicker, Winston will always come through in the end. He is a man who thrives under pressure. When the rest of us were panicking and abusing our screen he was in control.

Many political junkies will scoff at my reasoning. However, I also believe Winston Reid can also offer some impressive skills that our country needs. You see I have thought about this and I think another portfolio for Winston Reid would be the Minister of Sustainable Energy. I don’t know if this portfolio exists but if I was John Key I would invent it now and get him on board. My logic is simple. Scientific research into last night has shown that exactly 1:17am there was a powerfull energy surge so intense that it forced thousands of half asleep men into the air. These men then yelled, jumped,hugged, sang and punched the air with such vigor it produced a large amount of potential energy unseen in New Zealand before. It has been estimated that if this potential power was harnessed it could have produced enough power to supply the greater Auckland region for 3 months. My thought is that Winston Reid, as minister of Sustainable Energy, could run half yearly, or even bimonthly ‘POWER EVENINGS. Over weight middle aged men would be invited to these evenings and Winston would just just turn up with 32 seconds remaining and the resulting energy buzz could be captured. Goodbye to low lake levels or nuclear power this guy would solve New Zealand’s power problems.

Winston Reid turns into Winston Peters if you look too long.

However, there is also a negative side which I believe I must also explore before I tick his name on the ballot box.  One problem with Winston is that he kept me up all night long. Even when I hit the bed at about 2am I could not sleep I was that excited. Then today at work I noted that my productiveity levels were down by 32%. For those that have seen me work this effectivly means a blind and deaf monkey would have been more productive than I was at work today. One must ask that if Winston ever did make it into parliament, would this low level productivity hit the entire nation.

Finally, we cant go passed an obvious weakness, and that is his name, Winston. When you mix Winston with the word Parliament, for some reason doesn’t sit easy with me. While I don’t want to tar him with the same brush as previous MP’s with that name, I have. The last Winston we had was not the best ambassador for that name and when I look at Winston Reid on my screen saver for too long his face changes and the result is catastrophic. I know that it is silly but I just don’t know if I am able to tick a voting paper with the word ‘Winston’ sitting to the right. The only solution I see is that Winston Reid will have to change his name. Unfortunately, John is already taken by a handy cricketer so I am putting forward the idea of Ozy. Ozy Reid.

So at the next election when you collect your paper and make your way to the voting booth it is my hope that towards the bottom of the page there is a National candidate with the name of Ozy Reid. If there is I know where I will be putting my tick and I hope that you join me.

How well will the All Whites go?


Welcome back to another Con Vie installment. For those unfamiliar with my posts each week I leave a question as a starter for conversation between readers. This weeks question;

How well will the All Whites go?

World Cup Ad


The first World Cup advert, and it is a ripper. Check out this full length Nike Ad. Reminds me of my football days.

http://www.youtube.com/v/idLG6jh23yE&feature