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THIS IS WHAT BATMAN DOES ON HOLIDAY


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Air New Zealand – Cattle class now cuddle class.


A couple spooning each other on board an Air NZ flight. Once a NO NO now this will be the norm in cuddle class.

Air New Zealand has just announced a new seating configuration which turns normal seats into a bed. This new innovation seems fantastic for anyone who has ever endured a long haul flight. But once you actually see the new seats and you will soon realise that ‘cattle class’ has been transformed into ‘cuddle class’.

Ozy will go out on a limb here and say that the new seats were designed by a woman. If not a woman it must be a man named Dominic, pronounced with a lisp, if you get my drift. Cuddling is a woman thing, and that since the dawn of civilisation men have struggled to understand this action.

The new innovation is called the ‘skycouch’ which will not only give you the ability sleep but will also burn an extra hole in your pocket as you have to purchase the adjoining seat.

I will be interested to see how the ‘skycouch’ goes. On the one hand it will be popular with middle aged women hoping for a little ‘cuddle action’ with their husbands. Alternatively, I can see it having the opposite effect on male travellers as they will; do anything to avoid 12 hours of cuddling with their wife or partner.

I have thought long and hard about this and to my male readers I will let you in on a secret. Unless they have reconfigured the seat belts, which I’m sure Dominic wanted, the only way to avoid the cuddle is if the seat belt sign is on.

That means that the captain’s announcement to return to your seat, which was once the frustration of every traveller, will be greeted with cheers from the men and despair from the women.

“ Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Gibbons here, the seatbelt sign has now been turned on as we may be about to experience some turbulence. Please return to your seat, make sure your seats are upright and your seat belt is fastened.”

‘Sorry love, was enjoying our cuddle but Captain says there is turbulence on the way, better put the ‘skycouch’ away.

“But this is the third time we have had to get this thing out and then put it away again and we aren’t even half way. There doesn’t even seem to be any turbulance”

“I know honey, all that wasted money and we can’t even sleep. Don’t worry we will get the skycouch out when the seat belt sign is off again.”

“Excuse me, Airhostess, here is $20. Can you pass it on to the pilot, he knows what the drill is.”

In conlcusion there is some great news about the new upgrade from Air New Zealand. Watch the video below advertising the new setup and look carefully at the 50second mark. Gone is the normal airline food – Air New Zealand is now serving Mc Donalds burgers. Check for yourself – the burger looks exactly like a Big Mac. Furthermore you can just order drinks via your TV screen. Now maybe a little cuddle action is not too big a price for McDonalds for lunch and all for the coke you want.

http://www.youtube.com/v/Lql77jkiztc

Airlines now charging FATTIES more!


Obese passengers flying with Air France will have to pay an extra Euro or two just for being slightly overweight. This news comes following the introduction of new rules and will come into effect after 1st April. No this is not a ‘April Fools Day’ Joke!!

In future this man, if flying Air France, would have to pay extra. Thankfully for this photo he is sitting in the middle of the plane. Initially he did have a windo seat but the plane kept going around in circles so he was shifted to the isle seat.

Company spokeswoman Monique Matze told AFP passengers who were unable to squeeze into a single aeroplane seat would have to pay 75 per cent of the cost of a second seat.

Being slightly built I am all for this law and will be flying Air France on my next trip from Tauranga to Christchurch. However, what would be better would be a weight limit per person. By this I mean every person on the plane should be allowed 100kg to take on board.

The system would work like this.  If you weigh 80kg you can take 20kg of luggage. If you are built like a racing snake and weigh 60kg you get the luxury of 40kg of luggage. If however, your favourite food is KFC and you weigh 120kg, well you would have to buy ‘Fat Man’s Credits’. These are similar to Carbon Credits and could be purchased prior to flying either through the airline or off other passengers. Buying off other passengers would be my preference and would create a small but profitable business for some people. For instance the young man who was 60kg in the previous paragraph might only have 20kg of luggage. If this was the case he could then sell his other 20kg as Fat Man’s Credits’ to anyone who was slightly overweight.

In light of this new law I am currently writing this blog while running on my treadmill and living on a diet of Special K breakfast cereal. My hope is that before next weekend Air New Zealand will have implemented a similar law and I will be down to 65kg with 15 Fat Man’s Credits ready for sale. Current price is $3.50 per credit.. Any takers???

Passengers to fly nude under Obama’s new law.


Strict new airline regulations will now require all USA bound travellers to be naked.

 

President Barak Obama has unveiled strict new airline restrictions which will require travellers into the USA to fly naked.  This new rule comes on the back of an attempted bombing of an American bound flight last week. 

There have been mixed reactions to such a bold move to counter terrorism. Those within the airline industry are praising such an innovative move and believe this is a sure way to avoid passengers smuggling unwanted bombs onto planes. 

One of the key aspects to this new law is that the law will come into effect immediately and must be followed by pilots, ground crew, air traffic controllers and even taxi drivers arriving at the airport. In a publicity stunt Barak Obama even took off all his clothing while one Air Force One earlier today, but declined a photo opportunity. 

The Pilots Union, which has over 40,000 members worldwide, has condemned the move and will lodge a formal protest in the courts. This move has been back by the Air Force who are disappointed the new rules will also affect their fighter pilots. 

Obama was quoted as saying “this is an important step in the USA’s fight against terrorist. I’m only glad I don’t fly cattle class like the rest of you guys.”

Passengers to fly nude under Obama's new law.


Strict new airline regulations will now require all USA bound travellers to be naked.

 

President Barak Obama has unveiled strict new airline restrictions which will require travellers into the USA to fly naked.  This new rule comes on the back of an attempted bombing of an American bound flight last week. 

There have been mixed reactions to such a bold move to counter terrorism. Those within the airline industry are praising such an innovative move and believe this is a sure way to avoid passengers smuggling unwanted bombs onto planes. 

One of the key aspects to this new law is that the law will come into effect immediately and must be followed by pilots, ground crew, air traffic controllers and even taxi drivers arriving at the airport. In a publicity stunt Barak Obama even took off all his clothing while one Air Force One earlier today, but declined a photo opportunity. 

The Pilots Union, which has over 40,000 members worldwide, has condemned the move and will lodge a formal protest in the courts. This move has been back by the Air Force who are disappointed the new rules will also affect their fighter pilots. 

Obama was quoted as saying “this is an important step in the USA’s fight against terrorist. I’m only glad I don’t fly cattle class like the rest of you guys.”