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Boxing Match – Bridges v Brownlee


Tauranga MP Simon Bridges has issued a unique proposal to fellow MP Gerry Brownlee challenging him to a boxing fight. The two MP’s not usually noted for their boxing have both been seen in a Wellington boxing club sharpening their skills this week in preparation. Bridges even taunted the Energy and Resources Minister on his facebook page saying a fight between the two “wouldn’t take long”.

Apparently Brownlee was surprised by the challenge and in true boxing style returned with some quality trash talk. “I’m gunna dig a giant hole and put Bridges in it…probably on conservation land where nobody will look.” Bridges however, was equally as harsh describing Brownlee as a poodle and warning him he will be so beaten he may be in danger of prosecution under the Animal Cruelty Act.

A local website, Ozy Mandias Warning, is running a competition to determine the boxing names for these two. Two that come to mind are Bridges the Bloodhound and Brownlee the Miner. Any other ideas spring to mind???

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John Key Voted New Zealand's sexiest male


John Key snapped at the National Party Christmas Function

Before today I would never have thought the words ‘John Key’ and ‘sexy’ would be uttered in the same sentence. However, in today’s paper John Key has been awarded the sexiest male politician in New Zealand. While many people might not believe such a competition existed, it is actually a highly sort after award within the Beehive. Previous winners have been hard to find as the Labour Party, under Helen Clark, had placed a media embargo on publishing the results.

As expected, leaders from all other political parties have come out firing against the latest results. Act leader Rodney Hide has already hit out at the competition, saying that such an award is a disgrace to our democratic society and noted that it didn’t take into account your ability on the dance floor. Opposition leader Phil Goff was equally as harsh, saying that a competition like this marginalises those who are ugly and develops a type of class based society.  Maori Party spokesman Honi Harawera called the result a victory for “middle class Auckland white trash” in his very vocal speech about the results.

Simon Bridges waits casually outside his electorate office.

As a side issue Tauranga MP Simon Bridges made it to second place in the rankings, the first time a back bencher had achieved such a feat. Simon was over the moon with his rise within the National Party and had this to say after emerging from his daily chest wax at the Mount Hot Pools.

“John and I are both ecstatic with this result. We have both been working on our looks over the past six months and obviously the results are there for all to see. I work out daily and I know John only limits himself to one mince pie at morning tea, so we have both sacrificed a lot for this award. I am blessed with an olive BOP complexion and thought that may have tilted the vote my way. But Bill English’s idea of the PM applying ‘thin-lizzy’ daily gave him a glow I couldn’t compete with.”

In the hotly contested female politician award, Auckland Central MP Nikki Kaye took out the female title with 32% of the votes, followed by another National MP, Melissa Lee (24%), and young Labour MP Jacinda Ardern (19%). Helen Clark who had won the previous 8 sexiest female politician awards, albeit with rumours of rigged voting, would not comment on the latest results from her swanky New York apartment.

Incidently, Nikki Kaye is still single and is apparently on the look out for a suitable man. Although she was quick to point out to the waiting media today that her nickname of ‘cougar’ was solely based on her debating skills in the chamber.

Simon Bridges, Dr Do-Little and my wish for Winston Peters


Simon Bridges aka Dr Do-Little

It is a beautiful Sunday afternoon and I have just sat down to read the news via my computer screen and clicked on the SunLive webpage. There is no better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. What caught my attention was this brief description of a featured article.

Simon wants to ‘get tough’.

This sounded good. I like it when MP’s get angry, feisty and get the bit between their teeth. I my experience it is the first step on their path to making a difference in our community. I read some more and my appetite was further moistened.

Tauranga MP Simon Bridges is seeking multi-party support for his Private Member’s Bill that if passed into law would raise the More…

I clicked on the ‘More’ button with anticipation. What could the man I voted for be putting forward as his area of need for the Bay of Plenty. I had seen him almost weekly snap up photographic opportunities with old ladies or take part in pointless publicity stunts that nobody cares about. But this little snippet looked different. Bridges was actually going to do something useful in Parliament and through the simple act of me voting for him, I was a small but vital cog in this wheel. I was about to help the Bay of Plenty, and therefore, New Zealand become a better place.

My mind raced with possibilities. As my page loaded my mind gently probed what areas my representative may be about to touch with his magic wand.

–          Perhaps a law to raise the standards of driving in the Bay of Plenty.

–          Perhaps a law to raise the penalty for drinking driving.

–          Perhaps a law to raise the funding for our local schools.

–          Perhaps a law to raise the penalty for petty crime.

–          Perhaps a law to raise the penalty for graffiti.

–          Perhaps a law to raise the drinking age.

Suddenly my computer screen loaded and I was forced to hang my head in disappointment. What flashed up was a grotesque picture of Bridges hugging his dog. If that wasn’t enough to ruin my afternoon the following paragraph did that for me.

“Tauranga MP Simon Bridges is seeking multi-party support for his Private Member’s Bill that if passed into law would raise the maximum penalty from three to five years imprisonment for wilful ill-treatment of animals.”

I couldn’t believe it. Only a year into his job as our representative in Parliament, has turned Bridges into Dr Do-little. I wonder if he can talk to the animals too. With reluctance I skimmed the rest of the article. What followed was a collection of well written sentences about how we need to get tough on animal cruelty and the importance that it has in the community. I always wonder how important a law is if a MP needs to justify it to the community. Now I will be honest and admit I am not a real pet lover. Apart from looking after a guinea pig for two weeks, and my wife having a goldfish I have never owned a pet. However, even if I did want to waste my money like that, I would still be disappointed in our MP spending more time on looking into an animal rights bill than dealing with the issues we have in the Bay of Plenty.

Added to this I can’t recall Mr Bridges campaigning on the issue of animal welfare when he was trying to get into Parliament. Back then it was roads, tunnels, the economy and tourism as the main areas he was going to work on. There wasn’t a stray dog, a scarred cat or even a malnourished sheep mentioned back then. Oh how times have changed.

It is with great sadness that I am going to write this next sentence and I can’t even understand why I am going to do it but I will.

Could you have imagined Winston Peters putting forward a proposal like this? While I couldn’t stand that man and his grey rinse but at least he put forward ideas that benefitted the community for which he stood for. So Mr Bridges I do admire your love for our animals but when you represent me spend time working on laws that will actually benefit the wider community.