JOHN WRIGHT'S MASTER PLAN FOR THE BLACK CAPS

John Wright has finally shown his coaching skills by purposefully guiding the Black Caps to a sensational 100 run demolition job of Pakistan. Having looked at his resources when he took over the team it is believed he deliberately continued this poor form in a bid to develop overconfidence amongst the opposition. It certainly worked in this last game.

A number of Black caps players have been so faithful to this ‘game plan’ that they had followed Wrighty’s lead and preformed so poorly, even they didn’t know where a good performance could come from. And boy did this coaching technique work.

After McCullum got a good nut early, Jamie How came in and played like a man who has never played cricket before. In the past I would have slammed his inability to play anything off the square but now I can actually see that this is all part of Wright’s master plan. Jamie How was instrumental in giving the Pakistan team confidence as his strike rate start at 10 and went down hill from there. His 3 runs off about 90 balls gave the Pakistan team so much confidence they gave the completely out of form Ross Taylor two early lives, as they actually started to feel sorry for us.

But then with a flick of the switch, things turned on their head. Taylor snapped out of his prodding and pushing with a well executed drop kick over midwicket and then it was all over red rover. Pakistan were taken to the cleaners as the Black Caps produced a sublime display. Martin Guptil was superb as he played straight and forcefully for a well complied half century while Jacob Oram showed how dangerous this team could be with him coming in at nine and make our batting order longer than a giant python.

John Wright was full of praise for the efforts of How, who plays an important role in Wright’s strategy. “I thought How was superb today. It is not easy to scratch your way to a strike rate of 4.726 while hitting the middle of the bat with every ball. But he managed to do that today and that was the foundation for our victory. This gave Pakistan all the confidence they needed today once they had made a little coin on the side through strange overthrows, no-balls and poor fielding we were always on top. Bennett had been doing this role for us in previous games, but How took it to a new level today.”

JOHN WRIGHT AND MARK GREATBATCH MOVE IN TOGETHER

New Zealand cricket selector and Black Caps coach John Wright have announced they are moving in together and are setting up a home in Auckland. The two have been inseparable over the last few weeks, but despite this, the news of the developing relationship has come as a shock to many.

Insiders say that the relationship began with Mark Greatbatch offering team selecting advice to Wright and things quickly progressed from there. Within a couple of days Greatbatch was the number one selector and spent his entire time tell Wrighty what team would be playing and the batting and bowling orders. From that point on it was all down hill for the usually independent Wright.

Insiders have said that Wright attempted to pull away from the developing relationship but nothing Wright tried seem to work. Nowadays every decision is made by Greatbatch, included Wright’s clothing, daily food intake and even what TV shows he should be watching.

Last week the two were seen at a restaurant where Greatbatch decided what Wright was to eat and then shocked onlookers when he actually finished off some of John Wrights meal. At this stage the two seem very much inseparable and it will be interesting to see how the relationship develops over the coming months, particularly when Wright travels to India and Greatbatch is left home alone. Many people believe this will be the make or break of the relationship, so we will keep you posted here at Ozy Mandias Warning.

JESSE RYDER PUT ON A LEASH

Jesse Ryder was the star of the show in yesterdays Black Caps batting effort, scoring a blistering 55 of 30 odd balls against the haplass Pakistan team. Usually this kind of performance would have seen Jesse Ryder hit the town and local night clubs, but new coach John Wright has instead got his star batsman on a leash.

Rumours that Jesse Ryder has a permanent leash as part of the new coach regim are yet to be founded, but it is common knowledge the leash is applied striaght after each game and during the weekends. John Wright spoke with Ozy Mandias Warning after yesterday’s game about the leash saying it “was no big thing and was there to protect our star batsman. At this stage it is just on every so often but if the boy gets in any more trouble it will be a 24 hr a day thing, seven days a week.”

Apparently, many of the Black Caps players are excited with the move from the new coach. Under the previous coach players were on duty with Ryder when he hit the town, a move which was popular with the younger players but hardly a hit with a few of the family men in the team. This involved following Jesse wherever he went and making sure he kept well away from Satan’s Urine and out of trouble.

WRIGHT STRUGGLES TO FIND 30 PLAYERS TO FILL WORLD CUP SQUAD

John Wrights struggles to find quality players to fill Black caps squads

John Wright has named his first New Zealand Cricket team and has admitted the hardest task was finding enough quality players to fill all the positions. In today’s announcement the T20 squad, the Test squad and a 30 man One Day World Cup team were all announced. In all about 60 names were read out which pretty much covers the entire number of cricket players in New Zealand.

Apparently the hardest part of the entire process was finding enough players to fill all of the positions, particularly for the 30 man squad to play in the upcoming Cricket World Cup.

“Finding 30 names was really difficult.” John Wright said at the press conference earlier today. “In the end I had to just invent a couple of names like Adam Milne and Dean Brownlee which I added to the list. The real problem will be if there are people with these names and they will think they have been chosen. They will be in for a nasty shock when they arrive at New Zealand cricket headquarters later this week.

JOHN WRIGHT NEW COACH