RETURN OF THE VUVUZELA

Thankfully with no games for the last couple of days I have been able to rest..on two fronts. Firstly, I have been able to rest my aging body. It is not easy getting up night after night and my body has enjoyed the coupe of days rest. Thankfully it has also given me a chance of getting that dreaded hum of the vuvuvzela out of my mind.   With games beginning in a day or so perhaps it is time to get back into the vuvuzela spirit.

http://www.youtube.com/v/z-Ln_rqPpPk&feature

CANCELLARA'S BIKE HAS A MOTOR

Fabian Cancellara won the opening stage of the Tour de France yesterday, a 8.9km time trial around the docks of Rotterdam. The talk prior to the race had not been the usual doping of humans but the doping of bikes. In particular there had been whispers that Cancellara has a motor on his bike enabling him to reach speeds similar to the autobahn in Germany.

Cancellara, the man known as Spartacus,  has  called these claims rubbish although the rumour mill will be working overtime again today after Cancellara used a very suspicious bike in the opening time trial. Cancellara’s bike looked very similar to the latest ducati and the fact that he had to stop at a petrol station 5.3km into the time trial raised some questions from the reporters covering the race. Equally suspicious was large noise coming from the speedster but in the press conference after the race he explained it was due to the high gear he was pushing.

However, due to the pre race gossip the organisers of the Tour de France have this year initiated a x-ray system for all bikes. Basically this means that every bike is x-rayed following each stage to determine if there are any motorised parts to the bike. To dispel all rumours the official x ray of Fabian Cancellara was given to reporters following the stage and as you can there is no hint of any cheating from the Swiss rider.

Cancellara's x-ray following the first stage of the TdF

http://www.youtube.com/v/8Nd13ARuvVE

England Robbed in South Africa

England's disallowed goal

The talk prior to the FIFA WORLD CUP had been about South African security at the World Cup. South Africa is a crime ridden country and many people had expressed their concerns of crime on the streets and in the alleys. Already a TVNZ crew has had some audiovisual gear stolen from their hotel and now in the England soccer team has been robbed in broad daylight. The robbery actually happened right on the field of play where the 3 Lions were denied an obvious goal in their important game against Germany.

While nobody has been charge with the offense, many people have finger pointed the referee J Larrionda from Uraguay. From what I know about Uragauy this wouldn’t surprise me!! CCTV footage has shown that his accomplices were two linesmen whose identities have been kept quiet by FIFA

Fortunately due to technology the we have managed to find this picture of the robbery in progress. What do you think??

Queen wears short skirt in Wimbledon appearance

Just read this article on NZ Herald and I dont often copy an entire article word for word but could resist with this one. The only thing I have changed is the picture.

The Queen celebrates her first round game at Wimbledon in 2010

Queen Elizabeth II was making her first appearance at Wimbledon in 33 years on Thursday – and the world’s top tennis players were getting ready for the rare occasion. Serena Williams rehearsed her curtsy before spectators, while Rafael Nadal said he hoped to get a chance to say hello to the All England Club’s royal patron. Andy Murray, the only British singles player left in the tournament in a year of exceptionally poor showings by the host country, was probably under the most pressure to prepare. The last time the queen visited, in 1977, she presented Virginia Wade with the ladies’ singles championship. No Briton has won a singles title since.

The No.4 seed Murray was scheduled to play the first match on Center Court Thursday against Jarkko Nieminen of Finland. When asked if he thought bowing in the direction of the royal box would be easy, he told reporters: “It should be, you never know. I will probably be a bit nervous and I don’t want to mess up at all.” Although in decades past the tennis club maintained a tradition of a bow or curtsy to royal attendants, that practice was dropped in 2003 – much to the relief of most players at the time. It’s now up to players whether to gesture in deference in the direction of the queen.

Despite her practice, Williams will most likely be disappointed. She was not on Thursday’s schedule and would not get a chance to play in front of the queen, after talking at length about her efforts to perfect her curtsy and sport more “conservative” clothing. The defending champion is known for outrageous outfits such as a skin-tight black catsuit and fluorescent orange micro-shorts. She will likely get a chance to show off her etiquette at the queen’s reception in the VIP area, though.

“My curtsy is really fun. It’s something that she’ll never forget,” she promised. The queen, accompanied by her husband Prince Philip, will start her day at Wimbledon meeting junior players as well as ballboys and ballgirls. She then meets British players, top seeds and past champions at the members’ enclosure lawn, before taking her seat in the royal box, from where she will watch Murray play his second-round match.

Nadal will follow with a match against Robin Haase of the Netherlands, though it’s not clear if the queen will stay long enough to watch him. Although the monarch isn’t known to have a particularly strong personal interest in tennis, the royal association with Wimbledon spans more than 100 years. The queen’s, grandfather, King George V, became patron of the All England Club in 1910, and the tradition has been maintained since.

The queen’s only other visits before 1977 were in 1957 and 1962.

John Key parties following All White's victory

John Key used his PM privileges today to watch the All Whites in their historic draw with Italy. The PM wore all white for the game but that was soon gone as the PM was caught up in the emotion and took his shirt off and chanted with the large group of New Zealand supporters. Rumours that some supporters had to hold the PM back from streaking following Smelts early strike have not been denied by the National Party.

Yes that is Chris Carter in the top right. He  used his vast number of airpoints to pay for the trip although and was not involved in any shenanigans. Spending the time watching all the men, including our PM, with their shirts off.

John key celebrates with the All White fans

Ricki Herbert talks to Winston about his goal

The worst sound in the world – vuvuzela

The vuvuzela - a sound like no other.

I know you have heard it. That un-ending drone  that suddenly started a few days ago and just seems to be getting louder by the day. That buzzy-bee throb that is constantly on in the background.  That awful mono pitched vibration that seems to  warble out of your TV, is none other than the noise from the vuvuzela horn. I had been looking so forward to the World Cup but never has a football game been so painful to watch due to that constant din produced by that crazy long horn. In desperation I have purchased a pair of earmuffs for the All Whites opening game.

For those of my readers with no interest in the World Cup the ‘vuvuzela’ is a stadium horn measuring about 1 m in length. It is blown using your lips and tongue and is popular in South Africa football game. Apparently there is something similar used in South America, which already means I am a little sceptical about the 2016 Olympics.

Now I will put my stake in the ground and say that the vuvuzela should be banned or at the very least muffled in some way. For me it makes it hard to concerntrate and means that some other countires cant support their team in their traditional way. Catus Kate rightly wonders how apartheid lasted so long in South Africa and one must wonder why it wasn’t used as a weapon against the Apartheid regime.

However, when thinking about this noise the question must be asked; does the vuvuzela make the top five list of most annoying sounds? This is a big question as there are many annoying sounds in the world.  Personally I don’t think it has had the longevity to warrant its place in the top 5, although my view may have changed come the final. So my top five of most annoying sounds, lookssounds something like this.

First up lets keep it in Africa and go with the South African accent. To me this is one of the world’s most hideous noises, particularly when we hear them giving a victory speech following a rugby game. Thankfully the vuvuzela actually drowns out an other noise within 5km  so although the matches have been in South African I have yet to hear that awful accent that sounds like someone talking with an egg in their mouth.

Secondly, one cant go past someone eating loudly. I dont know what it is but this one really annoys me. Personally hard dry foods are annoying but sloppy, soggy food eaten loudly drives me nuts. When seeing some people eat I have no doubts that we have evolved from monkeys and it is sad that the 1% of DNA that sets us apart from those cereatures is not their eating habits.

It would be remiss of me not to mention Hannah Montana in my list of top five most annoying sounds. I don’t believe there would be a punishment more devastating that having to hang around that girls high pitched twang for an entire day. Americans on a whole are loud, Montana adds to that quality a nauseating high pitched squeal that would drive most people  nuts. I am sure that the US Army have attempted to use her as a weapon of mass destruction and my heartfelt sympathies go out to those people who confront this weapon during war. That’s just her talking, wait till she starts to sing.

Coming in at number four is those cow bells from Hamilton. Hamilton, aka Satan’s armpit, is not my most favoured city within New Zealand. If its not stinking muggy its is raining and you cant even pick your nose due to the fog. But what really annoys me about that place is a trip to Rugby Park and those hideous cow bells. They just ring and ring and don’t stop for an entire 80mins. What is worse is that their team is rubbish so all that noise does nothing to help them play any better.

Finally on my list of most annoying noises is the Australian Cricket commentary team. Now I have to qualify things a little here. In the past I have enjoyed the smooth tones of Ritchie Benaud and co. However, in recent years we have seen the retirement of some of the games greats and their move sideways into the commentary box. Slater, Healy, Gilchrist and Warne  were all great players but when they start talking it is my living hell. Added to that we have that English poof Mark Nicholas and it is a sound that can wreck my summer. 

As I reflect on that list I imagine what it would be like combining all those noises together. For me my greatest nightmare would be watching cricket in a Hamilton pub, run by a South African with the man sitting next to me eating his nachos loudly and some plonker has just selected Hannah Montana from the Jukebox. If that ever happened I would have no option but to bring out my vuvuzela and drown them all out.

World Cup Ad

The first World Cup advert, and it is a ripper. Check out this full length Nike Ad. Reminds me of my football days.

http://www.youtube.com/v/idLG6jh23yE&feature

WEEKLY SPORTS REVIEW – CHELSEA WIN DOUBLE

RUGBY – So the Super 14 round robin has been completed and the Bulls, Stormer, Crusaders and the Waratahs are the four to make it into the semi finals. They say that the table at the end of the season never lies. Unfortunately this is true for the New Zealand teams who have been slightly disappointing, especially last years finalists the Chiefs. Being a one eyed Crusaders man I am going for a Crusaders victory and the Stormers to be upset by the Waratahs. The Bulls are not playing at their real home ground and the Crusaders look the stronger team last weekend and have only got better. My second prediction is more out of hate for the SA teams than a realistic prediction.

Results

Team	Score	vs	Team	Score	Date	Report
Crusaders	40	v	Brumbies	22	14/05/10	Match Report
Waratahs	32	v	Hurricanes	16	14/05/10	Match Report
Sharks	27	v	W Force	22	14/05/10	Match Report
Blues	30	v	Chiefs	20	15/05/10	Match Report
Reds	38	v	Highlanders	36	15/05/10	Match Report
Cheetahs	59	v	Lions	10	15/05/10	Match Report
Stormers	38	v	Bulls	10	15/05/10	Match Report

 

Table

	Team	Nation	P	W	L	D	PF	PA	PD	Bp	Ttl
1.	Bulls	()	13	10	3	0	436	345	91	7	47
2.	Stormers	()	13	9	4	0	365	171	194	8	44
3.	Waratahs	()	13	9	4	0	385	288	97	7	43
4.	Crusaders	()	13	8	4	1	388	295	93	7	41
5.	Reds	()	13	8	5	0	366	308	58	7	39
6.	Brumbies	()	13	8	5	0	358	291	67	5	37
7.	Blues	()	13	7	6	0	376	333	43	9	37
8.	Hurricanes	()	13	7	5	1	358	323	35	7	37
9.	Sharks	()	13	7	6	0	297	299	-2	5	33
10.	Cheetahs	()	13	5	7	1	316	393	-77	4	26
11.	Chiefs	()	13	4	8	1	340	418	-78	8	26
12.	Highlanders	()	13	3	10	0	297	397	-100	7	19
13.	W.Force	()	13	4	9	0	258	364	-106	3	19
14.	Lions	()	13	0	13	0	270	585	-315	5	5

SUPER 14 WEBSITE

LEAGUE – The Warriors had another good result with a 24-12 victory against the hapless North Queensland Crushers. this sees them make there way into the top 8 for the first time in recent weeks. Nth Queensland, despite having the games best half and fullback, still find themselves at the bottom end of the table. In other results

Cronulla 14 – Penrith 34

West 10 – South 50

Canberra 6 – Cheaters 17

Sydney 18 – Newcastle 34

Brisbane 28 – Gold Coast 6

Canterbury 6 – St George 19

Table

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	PTS
1	St George/Illawarra	10	8	0	2	225	101	16
2	Gold Coast	10	7	0	3	217	217	14
3	Manly	9	6	0	3	226	148	12
4	Penrith	9	6	0	3	250	178	12
5	South Sydney	9	5	0	4	230	175	10
6	Sydney	10	5	0	5	211	244	10
7	Parramatta	8	4	0	4	134	132	8
8	New Zealand Warriors	9	4	0	5	190	209	8
9	Brisbane	10	4	0	6	230	255	8
10	Newcastle	10	4	0	6	228	256	8
11	Wests	9	4	0	5	179	228	8
12	Canterbury	9	3	0	6	198	195	6
13	North Queensland	10	3	0	7	194	256	6
14	Canberra	9	3	0	6	147	216	6
15	Cronulla	9	2	0	7	113	236	4
16	Melbourne	10	7	0	3	204	130	0

NRL WEBSITE 

FOOTBALL –FA cup weekend and the Chelsea machine rolled on with a 1-0 over the cash strapped Portsmouth. Chelsea hit the woodwork 5 times in the first half and Portsmouth missed a penalty before a Drogba screamer got the first and only goal of the game. Lampard warmed up for the England semi final penalty exit at the approaching World Cup with a penalty miss in the 89th minute.

In other news Barcelona clinched a second successive Spanish league title as Pep Guardiola’s side ended the season with 99 points with a 4-0 victory

PREMIER LEAGUE WEBSITE

CRICKET – England South Africa B won the T20 World Cup with a comprehensive victory over the Aussies. The Australian batters failed again and the EnglandSouth African B team deserved their win with a solid tournament. The New Zealand women’s team mad it through to their perspective final but dipped out to the Aussie while only chasing 108. Batting of the tournament must go to Michael Hussey who hit a mammoth 60 off just 24 balls to see Aussie through to the final.

T20 WEBSITE

FORMULA ONE– Mark Webber produces a superb display to claim victory for Red Bull ahead of team-mate Sebastian Vettel and Renault’s Robert Kubica in an incident-packed Monaco Grand Prix.  This results sees the drivers championship open right up in what could be the closest title race in years.

Position	Driver	Country	Team	Points
1	Mark Webber	Aus	Red Bull-Renault	78
2	Sebastian Vettel	Ger	Red Bull-Renault	78
3	Fernando Alonso	Spa	Ferrari	75
4	Jenson Button	GB	McLaren-Mercedes	70
5	Felipe Massa	Brz	Ferrari	61
6	Robert Kubica	Pol	Renault	59
7	Lewis Hamilton	GB	McLaren-Mercedes	59
8	Nico Rosberg	Ger	Mercedes GP	56
9	Michael Schumacher	Ger	Mercedes GP	22
10	Adrian Sutil	Ger	Force India-Mercedes	20

FORMULA ONE WEBSITE

OTHER EVENTS

NBA – The Boston Celtics continued their vintage playoff form, squeezing Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic in a steely 92-88 win in the first game of the NBA’s Eastern Conference finals. link

 GOLF – Australian Adam Scott ended a two-year title drought by shooting rounds of 66 and 67 on Monday to win the rain-hit Texas Open at TPC San Antonio. link

CLASSIC YOU TUBE VIDEO

FA CUP is an iconic event. Here is Saha scoring the fastest ever goal in the finals

http://www.youtube.com/v/3kOzGLJUNO8

With the Crusaders playing this week lets look at what makes this team so good.

http://www.youtube.com/v/DRsT3KAFg34

In the 21st century, cricket has been emphatically a batsman’s game. It was not always thus. At the end of the 20th century, England’s besieged batsmen had to put up with all sorts: finger-crunching pitches, boomeranging deliveries, great vengeance and furious anger, and Shane Keith Warne.

Whatever happens in South Africa this summer, it does not have a prayer of exceeding the drama of the astonishing World Cup final of 1950.

Things we miss about the FA Cup final No234: proper all-day build-ups to the game, as displayed here by David Icke with Brighton in 1983(check out the Moet crates).

WEEKLY SPORTS REVIEW – Ticker 09/10 Manager of the Year

RUGBY – With one round left the Super 14 season is really hotting up. Despite the Crusaders being robbed by the ref and the Reds running out of steam in the second half, bothare still in the running for finals position. Basically there are 6 teams left in the race for the final four and those six are all playing each other this week. My prediction is for both kiwi teams to win and the Stormers to win to basically shut the gate on the Aussie teams. This would be nice as all we have heard this year is how good the Aussie teams are. But as you can see when the pressure is applied and the games become more forward dominated the Aussie teams have little in the tank. Also have to laugh at the Reds. After such an ‘excellent’ season they sit 2 points above the pathetic Blues. So much for an Aussie renaissance.

Results

Team	Score	vs	Team	Score	Date	Report
Hurricanes	44	v	Reds	21	07/05/10	Match Report
Bulls	40	v	Crusaders	35	07/05/10	Match Report
Chiefs	19	v	Waratahs	46	08/05/10	Match Report
Brumbies	31	v	Highlanders	3	08/05/10	Match Report
Lions	14	v	Blues	56	08/05/10	Match Report
Cheetahs	29	v	W Force	14	08/05/10	Match Report
Sharks	20	v	Stormers	14	08/05/10	Match Report

Table

	Team	Nation	P	W	L	D	PF	PA	PD	Bp	Ttl
1.	Bulls	()	12	10	2	0	426	307	119	7	47
2.	Stormers	()	12	8	4	0	327	161	166	7	39
3.	Waratahs	()	12	8	4	0	353	272	81	6	38
4.	Brumbies	()	12	8	4	0	336	251	85	5	37
5.	Hurricanes	()	12	7	4	1	342	291	51	7	37
6.	Crusaders	()	12	7	4	1	348	273	75	6	36
7.	Reds	()	12	7	5	0	328	272	56	6	34
8.	Blues	()	12	6	6	0	346	313	33	8	32
9.	Sharks	()	12	6	6	0	270	277	-7	5	29
10.	Chiefs	()	12	4	7	1	320	388	-68	8	26
11.	Cheetahs	()	12	4	7	1	257	383	-126	3	21
12.	W.Force	()	12	4	8	0	236	337	-101	2	18
13.	Highlanders	()	12	3	9	0	261	359	-98	5	17
14.	Lions	()	12	0	12	0	260	526	-266	5	5

SUPER 14 WEBSITE

LEAGUE – If the ref for the Crusaders was bad the one they got for the Kiwi v Kangaroos was a shocker. To his credit he wasn’t as one sided as the Jonker from SA but he was a shocker nonetheless. Ultimately it didn’t really matter. The conditions leveled the playing field a bit and meant for a great game. Bit of a shame the the international caused the Dragons v Manly game to be a non event. This would usually be one of the games of the season and was instead swamp by representative games.

NRL WEBSITE.

FOOTBALL –Blue is the colour and football is the game for this years Premiership. Man Utd hoped for a Wigan upset away from home but it was all one way traffic with a comprehensive 8-0 victory. Man UTd finished strongly with a 4-0 win over Stoke. Tottenham were still in party mode against relegated Burnleyand Liverpool ended their season and their managers career with a hard earned 0-0 draw at Hull.

The big result over the weekend was the conclusion of the Ozy Mandias Fantasy Football League. Three top class managers assembled strong teams for the 38 week competition. Ultimately, it was Ausse ‘Ticker’ who came through and won. Taking the lead in week 37 and hanging on for dear life.

The competition was broken into three stages

Section 1 – Game Week 1 – Game Week 13   –  Ollys Wallys 683  The Ticker 660   OzyMandias 584
Section 2 – Game Week 14 – Game Week 26  – Ozy Mandias 696 (1280)  Ticker 625 (1285)  Olly’s Wallys 610 (1293)
Section 3 – Game Week 27 – Game Week 38 – Ticker 769 (2054) Ollys Wallys  731 (2024) Ozy Mandias 517 (1797)

This means that each manager won an individual section but it was Ticker who came through in the end to steal the money. Typical Aussie. Rest assured planning is already well under way for next years competition.

PREMIER LEAGUE WEBSITE

CRICKET – New Zealand kept their hopes alive with a one run victory over Pakistan and must beat England in their next game to progress. The English have looked rather solid in this tournament and along with the Aussie look like the teams to avoid. However, it is all just a lottery and it is a shame how cricket has now been reduced to a couple of slogs to determine the winner.

T20 WEBSITE

FORMULA ONE – Australian Mark Webber won the Spanish Grand Prix for rampant Red Bull after leading from start to finish at Formula One’s most predictable circuit. For a record 10th year in succession at the Circuit de Catalunya, the driver who started on pole position took the chequered flag as winner in the Catalan sunshine.

FORMULA ONE WEBSITE

OTHER EVENTS

RALLY OF NEW ZEALAND – Finn Jari-Matti Latvala won Rally New Zealand after a dramatic finish to the fifth round of the World Rally Championship. link

NBA – Playing with his right eye nearly swollen shut, Phoenix’s Steve Nash helped lead his team to a series-clinching win over the San Antonio Spurs. link

 GOLF –South African Tim Clark ended an eight-year title drought on the PGA Tour by charging past overnight leader Lee Westwood to win the Players Championship by one shot. link

SOCCER – The All Whites’ 23-strong line-up for the 32-team tournament, which begins in a month, was named today and includes seven European-based professionals, headed by skipper Ryan Nelsen, from English Premiership club Blackburn Rovers. link

WARRIORS – Warriors chief executive Wayne Scurrah has confirmed Parramatta’s 2009 NRL grand finalists Feleti Mateo and Krisnan Inuhave signed three-year contracts with the club through to the end of the 2013 season. link

CLASSIC YOU TUBE VIDEO

American Basketball Back Flip. Got to love American half time entertainment.

http://www.youtube.com/v/q3umtw179KA

Comeback of the season. A new SPL scoring record as Motherwell stage an astonishing comeback to earn a draw. Commentary from Rob Maclean. Final score 6-6. Stay tuned to the end as the 93rd minute goal is a ripper.

http://www.youtube.com/v/vsdR-KoB_pQ